The following was originally composed as radio copy for THIS WEEK IN AMATEUR RADIO, first aired in May of 2003. Please click on http://www.twiar.org/ for additional information. This episode was first aired as a straight read but then later re-recorded using the usual appropriate sound effects. This is also one of my favorite shows so it may from time to time reappear over This Week in Amateur Radio and TWIARi!
When we were kids, we cruised the record stores for the latest and greatest 45 Revolution Per Minute(!) analog Top 40 singles and the 33 1/3 wax for the crummier but cool to have anyway album tracks. Our favorite chart busters were squeezed and flattened onto a roughly circular and often times physically warped chunk of black vinyl plastic which we used to call a RECORD, played on a Victrola(R).
Clever record producers schemed to get us to buy those same chart busters again and for more than twice the original vinyl cost by digitizing and compressing everything into a smaller, roughly circular chunk of plastic and tinfoil which we now call the AUDIO COMPACT DISC(R), played on a compact disc(R) player. The same is now happening to the video and the motion picture. Losers in the early BetaMax(R) wars had to re-up for the ubiquitous VHS(R) tape box but these days, the manufacturers of Digital Video Disc(R) a.k.a. the DVD(R) are maneuvering us to yank out the wallet and purchase the very same television shows and Hollywood films that we lifted for free off the cable TV (subscriptions starting at $39.50 a month).
I have one too many terminally sticky and faded red plastic milk crates tightly jammed with vinyl, one too many physically warped shelves and one too many partially crushed dollar store plastic boxes tightly crammed with CDs and old VHS. I have no more room for home entertainment. So here's my idea.
I have concluded that my fellow high-tech and very cutting-edge audio and video pals will buy my DVDs for me. They will house and store my DVDs for me at their residence and they will maintain my DVD player permanently mounted in their expensive home entertainment centers. Follow this idea carefully: These pals of mine have tastes in film and television, similar to me, lucky for me. Given that fact, I am now... suggesting, ummm subtly encouraging them to pre-select certain video titles so that I may enjoy them when I come over to the house - THEIR house. In essence, they buy and own the DVD player and associated acoustic accoutrement's.
Again: They BUY the DVDs. They OWN the DVDs. I come over to THEIR place to watch. And because I will have the much-desired GUEST STATUS: I will be offered the FREE Coca-Cola. I will be offered the FREE ice cream sandwiches. I will be offered the FREE Cheetos. When I go home, the machines and the disks and the empty cans and the depleted chip bags and the gooey wrappers STAY behind - AT THEIR HOUSE!
Any grandparent understands this. At the end of the day: THEY leave. The kids STAY behind. At the end of the day: I leave. The DVDs STAY behind. And I will have a lot of extra discretionary space on hand, most likely to be filled with more dumpster baby computers and old boat anchor radios. As a post script, unfortunately this theory ultimately failed once my Number One And Only Son Zachary was born. Soon, DVDs of cartoons like Thomas the Tank Engine and Pokemon became required personal library material. But it worked for a while!
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